tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62970250337715558742024-03-05T20:42:46.376-08:0012hourhalfdayBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.comBlogger298125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-58297903241765491742014-10-15T18:08:00.001-07:002014-10-15T18:10:19.827-07:00Mental Renewal<h1 class="passage-display" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Romans 12:2</span></i><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">New International Version (NIV)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">2 </span></i></b><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Do not
conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what
God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It has been a long time since i have written on this blog.
When I was writing on it regularly I wrote about creative block, depression,
anxiety, productivity, prayer, goal setting and much more. One of the reasons I
created this blog is because I am easy prey to all the bad things I write
about, especially anxiety and depression and when it's time for me to embrace
good habits and practices I am easy prey for the resistance that stops me from
doing it. As Paul said in Romans 7:19 - For I do not do the good I want to do,
but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. On my blog I write about
things publicly that I hope could help others but primarily it has always
existed to help reinforce my own tools for living a healthy God focused life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I don't have excuses for
abandoning this blog as it is ultimately my fault it's gone away. I've had a
lot happen to me in the first few years. I do not feel like the same person
that I was when I started writing on this site. But the site is still here and
I want to bring it back and prayer led me to that fortunately. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">My daily bible verse
today was the one at the top of this post - Romans 12:2 and I want to follow
this advice and renew my mind. I want to renew it through prayer, and through
focusing on piety, study, and action. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Here was what I thought
while reviewing my own mental renewal process:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Piety - Piety is making God the center of my life. I am
going to practice this value by not only remembering to do my daily prayers
but to encourage myself into activity that keeps me prayer focused. Also,
no more missing church on Sunday. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Study - My old study goal was to hit Bible Gateway
every day. I have fell out of this habit so I am going to bring it back.
To reinforce it I also want to add 2 daily studies to my practice - 1. A
daily Bible in hand study 2. A daily pre-seminary focused study. Once I
find that I am comfortably following this daily habit I am going to set a
project to find an in-person Bible study.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Action - I confess, I am currently not doing any kind
of regular apostolic action. I witness when I am given the opportunity
but I don't stick it out. Refocusing on apostolic action is the main
reason I am starting to write on this blog again. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">So as I have done before
in previous posts I am going to end this post in a prayer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Dear Lord, please give me the words I need to type in prayer
today. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am a failure when I try to do things myself. .It's easy for me
to take an arrogant view and attempt to live my life without you and I confess
that I have done that. I love you Lord and I thank you for loving me even when
I surrender to sin. I pray to you to thank you for being in my life, for making
me, me and giving me the free will that you gave me because you love me so much.
Please Lord help me to surrender to you. Please fill me with your spirit and
help me to be an instrument of your will. Thank you for everything Lord and
give me the strength to keep it up. I can't do it without you. Please give me
the faith that I need to know that you are always there. Thank you for loving
me when I am at my worst.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Amen<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-72182408794603204252013-06-16T22:49:00.001-07:002013-06-16T22:52:15.533-07:00Mistaking Feeling Tired for Feeling LowI was laying on the couch tonight, watching TV after a long weekend and started to feel like I was depressed. I started to dwell on all the mistakes I'd made all weekend and the deep hollow feelings of shame started to build. All the things I'd said wrong, bad choices I had made, and doubtful thoughts I had started to build in my head and I started to feel like I was losing control. I began to spiral into shame.Feelings of frustration started to build because I really didn't want to feel anxiety, stress, or depression. I thought ok, I need to stop for a second, say a prayer, and figure out how to handle this.<br />
<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Please tell me what to do. How do I focus on you and not this emptiness.<br />
Amen<br />
<br />
God answered my prayers.It came to mind right away. I remembered how tired I was and even though I am tired, this doesn't ruin my day. Even though I am tired I still have a choice to focus on being grateful for God's gifts. <i>So I decided to be tired</i>, but to still smile and enjoy being able to lay down after a long weekend and to focus on on my accomplishments and what I am grateful for in my life than my failures and what I want to improve.<br />
<br />
last prayer:<br />
Father God,<br />
Thank you for answering my prayer Lord and thank you for the gift of being able to smile no matter what. Please help me to remember this lesson and integrate it into my life. Thank you Lord for telling me it is ok to be tired and with your help I'll try not to mistake being exhausted for feeling low.<br />
Amen<br />
<br />Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-4266008812572304642013-02-02T08:47:00.003-08:002013-02-02T08:48:30.427-08:00Don't know how to be humble on my own.<blockquote>
<br />
Ephesians 4:2<br />
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”</blockquote>
I read a verse like this and I get mixed feelings. The first thing that comes to mind is, "That's nice, those things are good to be" but on top of that I get "how in the heck can I do that? When I try to be humble I'm the first person to brag about an accomplishment, I don't know what being gentle means, I can't be patient for 5 seconds, and there are definitely people I can't bear with especially in love. What an unfair demand!"<br />
<br />
If looked at in a larger context it makes a bit more sense:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
4 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.</blockquote>
The addition of the Spirit brings it together. Through Christ's sacrifice we are given his spirit which works with us to do the things we can't do on our own.<br />
<br />
My prayer:<br />
<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
<br />
I continue to read your scripture and can't even try to understand it half the time, I read about doing things that make no sense to me and even come across to me as foolish. Father God, I confess that I can't do anything on my own, I am full of sin and unable to. Dear Lord thank you for giving your Son for me so that I can be capable of more. Please walk with me as your Spirit and show me the fruits of the spirit of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Help me to come to an understanding with these things and give me the strength to make the choice to walk in your way rather than my own.<br />
<br />
Amen.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-13868297591158374902013-01-30T22:31:00.002-08:002013-01-30T22:31:31.829-08:00Just an awesome Psalm today, to soothe the spirit.<br />
Psalm 86:5<br />
“You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.”<br />
Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-89008268989502316152013-01-10T10:58:00.000-08:002013-01-10T10:58:26.884-08:00True Feelings - A real close look at shameI wrote this in October of last year and never published it. I was trying to sort out some feelings. After yesterday's post and talking about shame it felt appropriate to post it because it really embodies what kind of emotions causes resistance. Here it goes:<br />
<blockquote>
I am depressed<br />
<br />
I am writing this as a confession of real feelings. Something I would never post publicly because I am too ashamed, embarrassed, and every other adjective that admits that I am not strong enough to pull myself out of this depression on my own.<br />
<br />
I started this blog to pull myself out of my own weaknesses out of depression and anxiety. At the time I started it I was working in a job that I label as high pressure (IT tech in a call center) job, even though I am sure there are higher pressure jobs out there. My job stressed me the hell out and I wanted to accomplish something more so I started writing to give myself an outlet, the original purpose of the blog was just to have an outlet for whatever and not care about who read it. I posted random thoughts, funny pictures, things I thought that were neat about productivity, pictures I took, etc. It became an outlet for my own interests. In addition to the blog I took pictures, kept journals, prayed, went to church, read the bible, and had daily reminders to keep me on path.<br />
<br />
Over time the process worked well. It wasn't a planned process but it was action. Action to move me forward and to keep me productive helping me to train towards improvement and a path of defined purpose. It had it's ups and downs but because there was a process I was present enough to respond to those by journaling, looking for help, even seeing counselors on occasion.<br />
<br />
Along the way I made some accomplishments that when reflecting on now I feel good about. At work I headed up and completed projects taking on a leadership role in my department. I wasn't perfect and really let the stress get to me a times but I made some real strides at times and for those I feel really good about. In my relationships I made new friends and worked to maintain my existing ones, this lead to reconciling things with an ex girlfriend and forming a strong friendship with her that outshines our failed relationship, forgiving grudges I had maintained for a long time, and made new friendships to support spirituality, productivity,and creativity. In my personal life I helped make milestones including get out of debt, help my family get out of debt, move out on my own, and get in shape losing a lot of weight. My biggest accomplishment I made along the way was to accept that God is asking me to get on the path to seminary and possibly the ministry and start moving towards that path.<br />
<br />
Two years ago in the same month I lost my job and my brother committed suicide. I had to move back home. It hit hard but I was still motivated so I resolved myself to embrace unemployment as a gift (I even called it funemployment at the time) and that I wouldn't let it stop me. I continued school for a year and completed my transfer credit so I am all ready to start moving towards to my bachelors!<br />
<br />
But no, I have not moved forward. For the past year I have been spinning my wheels.
</blockquote>
While reading this I get a sinking feeling in my heart. I am reminded of the shame I felt and still feel some shame for what I describe as spinning my wheels for a year. Wasting time.<br />
<h3>
<b>How do I deal with the shame? </b></h3>
<h4>
What was the reality of the situation?</h4>
I was feeling really low. Resistance had been really strong that year. I had experience the psychic trauma of losing my job and two family members (I lost a very young cousin to a failed heart at the same time) in the same month just two years before in the same month, October.<br />
<h4>
<b>Had I handled it well? </b></h4>
This is a hard question to answer because the shame clouds my outlook on myself. I leaned pretty hard on my parents but I have been working for them as a household manager (coined this term recently because it has been hard for me to explain to people what I do from day to day, finances, organization, errands and bill paying.) and have stayed home quite a bit with my step father who took ill this year. I have trouble taking credit for this stuff as a good thing because I feel like I am just doing what I am supposed to be doing.<br />
<h4>
<b>What kind of outcome do I want?</b></h4>
This is another hard question. One of the problems with shame is the feeling that I don't deserve to get what I want. How do I deal with that? Prayer.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">My Prayer</span></b><br />
<blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Dear Lord,<br />What do I do? Please give me the words for this prayer because my thoughts are so shrouded by shame that I need them.</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Please help me to have the strength to get past shame. Please remind me that you died for my sins and I know longer have need for shame, guilt, or worry. Remind me that all my strengths comes from you and rather then pushing myself, I can fall into your arms and let you carry me.</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Father God, please fill me with your spirit and show me your will. Please make it plain as I have never been good at noticing it on my own. Thank you for being there for me Lord and reminding me that you are always there. Help me to stay in prayer and not turn my back on you Lord.<br />In your ever present Holy Name Lord, <br />Amen</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
</blockquote>
This was a very hard post to write but I do feel better. Just the fact that I was able to write this down is a sign that God is helping me and I have hope that I can move forward and accomplish some good prayerful outcomes this year. I like that - prayerful outcomes. It seems like God is answering my prayers already. Future posts will have to continue to explore shame, motivation, guilt, fear, and this new term - prayerful outcomes.<br />
<br />
Thanks Lord.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-44541522365259550902013-01-09T18:17:00.001-08:002013-01-09T18:28:10.369-08:002013 - Writers Block and ClichesIt feels like a cliche to be writing the, "haven't written in a while" post. I see a lot of blogs that go on long hiatuses and I see this kind of post a lot. The cliche phrases are:<br />
<ul>
<li>I haven't written in a while due to ___________ personal problem and I want to get back into it.</li>
<li>I found myself getting into a rut in my blog and I am starting over with new content</li>
<li>This blog is going to have a brand new purpose (now that I haven't written in a while and I want to be a blogger again)</li>
<li>More of the same vein.</li>
</ul>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">All of these reasons and excuses come to one word - Shame. Looking at the blog causes pain due to the feelings of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, and disgrace of not being the person I was when I was posted regularly. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I look at past posts of this blog and think "boy there is a lot of good content of content on there. Who wrote that?" and I try to get back into it and I just can't come up with the content that I use to. The fact is, I am not the blogger I used to be, I am a different man now and in order to start writing again, it's time to start thinking about it.</span><br />
<br />
Who was I back when I was writing regularly?<br />
Let's sum it up in a parargraph:<br />
When I was writing regularly I worked in a high pressure corporate job in an IT management position. I used the blog as a tool to express my solutions for struggles in that job; those struggle included stress, anxiety, and depression. The tools I shared were physical (breathing, physical, yoga, etc), mental (meditation, mnemonics, etc), and spiritual (prayer, devotions, Bible Study). I was a strong Christian (still am) and was on the path to seminary(still am) and used my faith to solve a lot of my problems and used the blog to show those prayers, devotions, and ideas.<br />
<br />
Who am I now?<br />
This is a much tougher paragraph to write:<br />
2 years ago I was laid off from my job. in the same month I had two deaths in the family. Since then I have moved in with my parents. I live with my Mom, my step dad, and his brother. I am a volunteer Organized play RPG coordinator, I am a student, I am a nature photographer, and I am the home manager for my parents because my step dad is very ill and I help him and my mom around the house. I have finished my associates degree and am currently working on being able to go to university for my bachelors and then seminary after.<br />
<br />
So let's talk about shame. I haven't regularly written in a long time and a lot of that has to do with shame. I wrote on this blog about resistance a lot before and for me, the resistance won and a lot of that had to do with shame. I am embarrassed about living at home, I am embarrassed that school is slow, and I feel a lot of shame that I am not doing "it" right.;"it" is life in this case.<br />
<br />
With the new year starting I am through with shame. I spent 2 years defeated by life and the things that happened to me and I am done with that. I am not going to set a goal of how often I am going to write, I am not going to set a daily routine or set expectations of myself. I do want to think of myself as a writer again. I want to write and I want to build the motivation to start doing it again. Why? Because it makes me feel good. it feels good to express myself on a blog, to share tools and techniques I have learned that helped me, to hope that I am helping others, and most importantly to share God's word.<br />
<br />
My Affirmation:<br />
I am a writer, and I write often. I write about resistance, faith, getting things done, photography, creativity, art,shame, ways and plans for managing shame, anger, pain, and anything else that comes from my heart. Whether it is positive stuff or negative stuff, I write about it.<br />
<br />
My Prayer:<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
I confess that I have surrendered to shame. I have surrendered to Satan's resistance from what I need to do and instead I want to surrender to your will. Thank you for the motivation to write this and giving the gift of not having to feel shame, worry, anxiety, or any of the other fruits of sin. Thank you for the spirit to replace that with strength, and the will to follow yours.<br />
<br />
In your ever present holy name,<br />
<br />
AmenBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-50306865712540490332012-10-16T22:34:00.001-07:002012-10-16T22:34:41.540-07:00<div><p><a href="https://www.evernote.com/shard/s129//sh/0cc11586-6210-40b2-b58c-d297d220da31/80b68d38dd4e3e78286467be5936b248">Prayer to align with God's will</a><br>
</p>
</div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-8455454831226891022012-10-04T11:24:00.001-07:002012-10-04T11:24:53.486-07:00Depression and a Half<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYUXi2rsje-u9rZXUNHJrO2idGeHLNWvkjTw-M2KbpTEeNBZciVMtIDfQ6z92vtUyssIDUGnza9N3H13xXRigBwgGfu_PKt0yTIVlfRBcWhzoMnWKDL2EFFS5LPfTkeMnUcbRCEEprwIw/s1600/sad10alt2%5B1%5D.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYUXi2rsje-u9rZXUNHJrO2idGeHLNWvkjTw-M2KbpTEeNBZciVMtIDfQ6z92vtUyssIDUGnza9N3H13xXRigBwgGfu_PKt0yTIVlfRBcWhzoMnWKDL2EFFS5LPfTkeMnUcbRCEEprwIw/s320/sad10alt2%5B1%5D.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">Allie Brosh</span> writes a web comic called <a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/">Hyperbole and a Half </a> and she is a lot of braver than me. She made an <a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html">amazing comic about depression</a>. That really sums up the feelings, fears, and paralyzing helplessness of it. Please check out her comic, it is amazing, brave, and hilarious.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-71327347538159083722012-04-29T12:36:00.001-07:002012-04-29T12:36:42.446-07:00Job 19:25<b>Job 19:25: “I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth.”</b><br />
<br />
I was just thinking about Job yesterday. I love this book, at first glance the concept of Job is that a ton of bad stuff happens to this guy and he doesn't give up on God. in 19:25 his whole family has been killed, his estate has been destroyed and he has been struck with disease yet he still attests that God will be their at the end.<br />
<br />
There is a lot of intense vervage in Job. For example, look at the next verse:<br />
<br />
<b>Job 19:26: “And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God”</b><br />
<br />
Wow!<br />
<br />
In Chapter 19 Job is responding to the accusations of his contemporaries that because all this bad stuff is happening he must deserve it in some way.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.christnotes.org/commentary.php?com=mhc&b=18&c=19">From Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary</a>:<br />
<blockquote>
Job's friends blamed him as a wicked man, because he was so afflicted; here he describes their unkindness, showing that what they condemned was capable of excuse. Harsh language from friends, greatly adds to the weight of afflictions: yet it is best not to lay it to heart, lest we harbour resentment. Rather let us look to Him who endured the contradiction of sinners against himself, and was treated with far more cruelty than Job was, or we can be.</blockquote>
<div>
My prayer:<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Please fill me with your spirit and help me to be joyful in all things. Help to show that truth to me and the truth of how to follow your will. Please show me how to surrender lord.<br />
Amen</div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-38002315643629679952012-04-25T12:56:00.000-07:002012-04-26T06:54:30.429-07:00Paul is Preaching to me Today<br />
<h5 class="passage-header" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
The Need for Self-Discipline</h5>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28565" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">24</sup><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. </span><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28566" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">25</sup><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. </span><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28567" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">26</sup><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. </span><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28568" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">27</sup><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.</span>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-4763492307339876202012-04-12T14:19:00.001-07:002012-04-12T14:19:35.105-07:00» Four Agreements and Wisdom for Spiritual Warriors based in Common Sense<div style="text-align: left;">The Four Agreements by <span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #3b3b3b; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">don Miguel Ruiz is a fantastic book for the four principles shared. Following these is good advice for everyone. There is a lot of new agey stuff in the book I disregard; the meat of the book is the common sense of the four agreements. </span></span></span></div><a href="http://www.toltecspirit.com/">» Four Agreements and Wisdom for Spiritual Warriors based in Common Sense</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3b3b3b; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The Four Agreements are:</strong></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #3b3b3b; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">1. Be Impeccable with your Word: </strong>Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #3b3b3b; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">2. Don’t Take Anything Personally</strong><br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #3b3b3b; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">3. Don’t Make Assumptions</strong><br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #3b3b3b; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">4. Always Do Your Best</strong><br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.</div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-57807391353913125012012-04-12T01:25:00.001-07:002012-04-12T01:26:11.511-07:00Luke 9:23-24<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=NIV&search=Luke+9:23-24">Luke 9:23-24</a>: “Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”<br />
<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
<br />
Please help me to sever the bonds that are tethering me down and keeping me from following you. Help me to give up my life and take up your will as my cause<br />
<br />
Amen.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-2321180234870148672012-04-09T22:43:00.000-07:002012-04-09T22:43:24.337-07:00A prayer of confession, surrender, and a request for strengthDear Lord,<br />
<br />
I am naturally sinful and not worthy of your anything I get from you. I deserve death and every punishment I get and not only do you forgive me, you took what I deserve upon yourself and died for my sins. Thank you Lord for accepting me into your love, for creating me, and accepting me as family, wanting to have a relationship with me and accepting my prayers. Thank you for being their for me whenever I need you, and being in me and with me all the time. Thank you Lord for the gifts of the people who love me and the people who I love in my life. Thank you for my friends online and offline, for the people who I know through family, through the church, through gaming, and every other soul I come in to contact with.<br />
Dear Lord, please help me to want your will in my life. I am always too weak and always give in to the sinful self. Help me to remember that you are their for me. I surrender my will Lord, take me over and help me to do your will. I want to be the man you want me to be, I don't want to be the old sinful self, I want to be who you want me to be.<br />
Right now I want to pray that I want to do your will and I want you take over and do it for me but I don't always; I am usually too weak, don't do what you want me to do, I don't even do what I want to do, I give in and take inaction over action. Dear Lord please help me to want your will in my life, to be stronger, and to accept your will. Help me to life prayerfully, to embrace and love your word, to look forward to worship, and to look forward to spreading your word without fear. Help me to fight resistance and be strong. Help me to surrender and follow the path you have chosen for me.<br />
<br />
Amen.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-44681925113667644612011-11-07T08:20:00.000-08:002011-11-07T08:20:45.262-08:00Affirming Out of Overwhelm Prayerfully<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNwBnTocyx4XoEt1PICfjVv5UWmlQaEiclWESDRrrpAIUAVXH8AhvqUI6WyjYyRsIcc8dxUsjfqrYk0g0JsTxsuS-yF0PgNFNEDTSSasL0Y9zO8xChyphenhyphenexYJMJU9LZMxeDxVx9okFX3xCE/s1600/holding_hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 2em; margin-left: 2em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNwBnTocyx4XoEt1PICfjVv5UWmlQaEiclWESDRrrpAIUAVXH8AhvqUI6WyjYyRsIcc8dxUsjfqrYk0g0JsTxsuS-yF0PgNFNEDTSSasL0Y9zO8xChyphenhyphenexYJMJU9LZMxeDxVx9okFX3xCE/s320/holding_hands.jpg" width="247" /></a></div>
As I breathe I step through and out of each piece of work, responsibility, project, desire, doubt, pain, sickness, resistance, and tension through a prayerful, centered, grounded, relaxed, energized and mindful attitude. Thoughts of procrastination, hesitation, unconfidence, and most importantly fear are distant memories as I hold hands with God and let him lead the way.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-44428632920001183832011-11-03T14:19:00.000-07:002011-11-03T14:20:48.523-07:00Words of ComfortOriginally I was going to write a big essay on the subject of bad feelings such as depression, doubt, guilt, etc. This isn't because I have been in a particularly bad or good place so if you know me in person - disclaimer - do not worry, I am simply writing about normal feelings that we all experience on occasion.<br />
<br />
When it came down to it I realized that I didn't need to write a lot, I just had to revisit the word and retrieve some comforting words.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130;"><b><i>1. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> Matthew 6:25</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"> - </span></span><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?</span></i></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While we may not be able to consciously control our worries, it gives me comfort to know that Jesus has directly said not to worry, and not only not to worry about small things but not to worry about the things we require to survival. </span><br />
<span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span><br />
<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130;"><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">2. </span><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Matthew 6:34</span></span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130;"> Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.</span></b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Worrying about the future is an unnecessary sin. one of the most valuable things I have ever been told is that worrying is a sin. When I was originally told this I got upset to the point of anger, "<i>I can't help but worrying so it's unfair that doing it is a sin!</i>" Then I thought about it I realized worry is thoughts, images and emotions of a negative nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats. Worry is a distrust, a reliance on our own anticipation of an imagined threat then staying prayerful and trusting in God. How do I handle worrying? Trust in God, focus on the word and pray even though it is hard. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. These feelings always reminds me of what Paul said in <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130;">Romans 7:14–25</span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. [a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.</b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25</b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c1130; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature [b] a slave to the law of sin. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!</b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Paul writes about the frustration with sin which I can equate directly to worry in my life. Thing I do that I do not want to do is worry, I want to trust in God and yet I drift back into trying to make sense of life myself. What I can do is dive into the word which let's the Lord talk to me and reassure me that he is always there whether I am trusting him or not, he reassures me that i am forgiven even if I drift back into sin. After being reassured I can be like Paul and proclaim "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In conclusion, depression, worry, pain, and any of life's rigors whether they are triggered by an event or happening for no reason at all can be crazy. Thank God for God! Through the word and prayer we can be reminded to accept his embrace, he loves us and is helping us even though we are trying to do it on our own.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>My prayer: </b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>Dear Lord, in the inevitable time that I fall away from me, please help me to remember that you are there. When things are going insane in my life please help me to be still and wait upon the strength you will bring that will come. Thank you for everything you have done, are doing, and will do. Praise to you in Heaven! </b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>In your ever present Holy Name,</b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>Amen </b></i></span><br />
<br />Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-79551439126736817712011-09-25T09:12:00.000-07:002011-09-25T09:15:13.846-07:00A Wonderful Devotion on Love that my Mom Shared with MeThe following post is cited from Portals of Prayer October to December 2010 by Concordia Publishing House. It is a wonderful devotion on love.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Tuesday, October 19</span><br />
<br />
Read John 3:16-21 and Psalm 145<br />
<br />
<b>God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son. <i>John 3:16</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Love</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
It is easy to give gifts to people we love, and we usually love people who are lovable. But what about the obnoxious neighbor, the less-than-lovable co-worker, the spiteful relative - are we really supposed to love them just the same? It is not so easy to give to or to love the mean, the spiteful, the unlovable. But God did and does.<br />
God gave His Son - out of love, not gratitude, not in return for anything the world had done, but only out of His gracious love. The world (that includes you and me) had done nothing to earn that love. What could we ever offer God? He is Creator of all things; there is nothing He needs from us. In fact, all that we have came from Him. Without His aid, we cannot keep His perfect Law of love. On our own, we turn away from Him, reject Him, and scorn His love. Still, He loved and loves us. Still, He gifts us with grace and mercy.<br />
This verse from John, the Gospel "in a nutshell," tells us the story of God's love, which sent salvation in the form of Jesus. The Creator of light has become our light in a world of darkness. The light penetrates our darkness and, by our God-given faith and love, we are able to love even the less-than-lovable.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Prayer:</b></i><br />
<i>All-loving God, we praise and thank You for sending Christ to be our light and hope. Help us, Lord, to live in Your love each day. </i><br />
<i>Amen.</i><br />
<br />
<br />Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-43185362669401229372011-09-19T09:38:00.000-07:002011-09-19T09:38:47.623-07:00Lutheran Hour Ministries - Resources for You<a href="http://www.lhm.org/dailydevotions.asp?date=20110919">Lutheran Hour Ministries - Resources for You</a><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, sans-serif; background-color: rgb(242, 230, 209); font-size: x-small; "><i>If You, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness, that You may be feared. Psalm 130:3-4</i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, sans-serif; background-color: rgb(242, 230, 209); font-size: x-small; "><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b>It has been a while since I have read through my daily devotion on the Lutheran Hour site. I found it fitting that <a href="http://www.lhm.org/dailydevotions.asp?date=20110919">today's devotion</a> was about God's forgiveness. But not just forgiveness but the fact that God isn't keeping tack of our sins at all. I have grown up with the human dea of forgiveness as seeing something that has wronged you and letting it go through through a process and finally forgetting the offense (and possibly remembering and having to go through the process of forgiving and forgetting again later). </b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b>God, as usual goes beyond our human concepts of forgiveness and can just let it all go through his infinite forgiveness. Since we know our own sins, and have to go through the process for ourselves, it is a great comfort that God doesn't list them. Since God is within us as the holy spirit we can do this to through him. </b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b>My Prayer: Dear Lord, please help me to remember that you aren't keeping a tally of my sins, please help me to let my own tally go and forgive myself for my sins, faults, and misteps. Thank you for the amazing gifts you continually bestow upon me, it amazes me more and more everyday and I look forward to each and every one of them.</b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b>Amen.</b></span></div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-81459098909669225562011-08-27T13:56:00.000-07:002011-08-27T13:56:06.177-07:00A daily affirmation - Serving out of GratitudeI am calm and confident because I am a saved child of God. I serve out of gratitude for my Lord's gift of forgiveness for me and serve in the confidence that I have eternal life through him.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-76311579067597923742011-08-18T18:48:00.000-07:002011-08-18T18:57:01.945-07:00Being a Public Future PastorThis post is about my current educational goals, my feelings about how people react to those goals, my analysis of these reactions, and how I plan to react.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiswbQXZmKVMsRWFe_AkuVwH2An55MClNPbYObGsdRQAbewHxOk_PjC4wG6Ke67G_C1qculmnZGZnSqGrrOWipBJz87JEkM1bLthEcTZMlkqASjfn0x1-lJdBtc2CJgTyEGXFJJSYc9ltU/s1600/criticism.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiswbQXZmKVMsRWFe_AkuVwH2An55MClNPbYObGsdRQAbewHxOk_PjC4wG6Ke67G_C1qculmnZGZnSqGrrOWipBJz87JEkM1bLthEcTZMlkqASjfn0x1-lJdBtc2CJgTyEGXFJJSYc9ltU/s1600/criticism.png" /></a>My current educational goals are to complete my BA in theology in order to move on to seminary. I have made this choice based on the results of prayer and the fact that I feel most in touch with God when I am talking about his word. One of the challenges I have run into are the conflicted feelings I experience about being public about this choice. I have found that telling people what my goals are causes them to look upon me differently and this can be hard to deal with.<br />
When I am at the college and exchanging ideas about educational choices, very often someone will ask me what my major is. When I tell them it is in theology they ask me what I plan to do with that major, when I tell them, things get interesting as I immediately notice them change their behavior, they might even avert eye contact. Sometimes they might get a little hostile as they feel this is an appropriate time to tell me exactly how they feel about the church. Emotionally it can be hard to deal with because I have always been sensitive about what others think.<br />
I believe that reactions like this have to do with people's perspective of the clergy, people's own self judgement when they discover my goal involves the church which is thought of my many as a "noble" or "higher" goal, and a general surprise and uncertainty of what to say when their outlook of me changes.<br />
I believe that my reaction to these people should be with understanding and patience and to be considered prayerfully. The road to becoming a pastor is a long hard one and being a pastor is not going to be easy. Approaching these kinds of tests critically, prayerfully, and with love and compassion will give me opportunities to witness, and help me to grow stronger in my path.<br />
In conclusion, I am proud of my chosen path. I feel confident that I am choosing the path God wants me to get on. He has made it clear to me that even though the end of the path is still unknown, the path is the most important thing for me to be on. I look forward to learning how to understand other people's opinions and reactions with compassion.<br />
<br />
My Prayer:<br />
Father God,<br />
Thank you for the gifts you have given me in life. thank you for the ability to analyse situations like this and approach them with understanding. Please continue to guide me in spirit and help me to be strong on this long road ahead.<br />
Amen.<br />
<br />
Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-88502317443514907642011-08-17T21:08:00.000-07:002011-08-17T21:08:05.964-07:00Grief and ChangeI posted about <a href="http://12hourhalfday.blogspot.com/search/label/Suicide">my friend Matt's suicide</a> a while back. I was reading <a href="http://www.tararobinson.com/2011/08/good-morning-mary-sunshine.html">my good friend Tara's post</a> about continuing through grief and it made me realize that since Matt died I have been trying hard to continue with the motions thinking that will make things better. Acting as if nothing happened doesn't work. I wrote about how wonderful Matt was but I never wrote about what happened.<br />
<br />
After Matt's death in October I was absolutely devastated, it hit me hard but I bottled it up quick because so much was going on. I started to post the same old stuff I always posted but the real truth was I didn't want to post about all my insecurities and problems because I didn't want to admit weakness because to me I was mad at Matt for being weak and taking the cowards way out; that thought only brought me shame because I love Matt and miss him and don't want to have any bad thoughts about him.<br />
<br />
Right now all of my bad feelings need to be expressed and I don't mean a bunch of ranting on my blog about how mad at Matt I am but an honest confession about how I feel. A lot happened all at once: Matt's suicide, I lost my job, and I made a commitment to becoming a pastor. Every single one of these things is terrifying. I love Matt for who he was and a lot of that had to do with what we had in common. Matt's suicide brings out fears that I will give in the same as him and cause so much pain to those around me. It also brings out a lot of emotions, losing my job left me without a predicable security in my life, and my commitment to becoming a pastor started a new path and with it all the doubt and insecurity associated with a new path.<br />
<br />
Thanks Tara for helping me to be honest with myself, I hadn't realized that I have been wrestling with grief since October and I will be a whole let better off expressing it.<br />
<br />
My Prayer:<br />
Father God,<br />
<br />
Thank you Lord for putting the desire to follow your will in my life and thank you for giving me the gift of a known path. Please Lord continue to help me to have the strength to follow your will.<br />
<br />
Amen.<br />
<br />
<br />
Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-31979337811867584142011-08-06T09:02:00.000-07:002011-08-06T09:02:49.878-07:00Reflection through old blog postsI was reading my posts since 2008 and I came to some conclusions.<br />
<br />
1. I used to have a lot more fun on this blog<br />
2. I frequently lose purpose while writing (which is ok because I can always read <a href="http://12hourhalfday.blogspot.com/search/label/purpose%20of%20this%20site.">this</a>)<br />
3. I love to pray<br />
4. I log about tons of stuff: photography, prayer, purpose, resistance, GTD, frustration, depression, anxiety, annoyance, devotions, gratitude, meaning, and more.<br />
<br />
My goal here is to continue to write but I have myself backsliding at times (when standing at the front lines in the war against resistance, resistance tends to fight back HARD.<br />
<br />
Goals for the rest of the year:<br />
1. Write and blog and for myself first and my audience second (I started the blog for myself which made it special and in order to keep it that way I have to continue to write it for myself).<br />
2. Remember that the fact that it is hard to write because of resistance proves that it is important<br />
3. Start mobile blogging again<br />
<br />
My Prayer:<br />
<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
<br />
Thank you for the gift of being able to write and the technology to put this out there. Please help me to maintain this blog and continue writing.<br />
<br />
Amen.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-72785725116103195792011-08-04T22:22:00.000-07:002011-08-04T22:22:16.124-07:00Reminder to be Open with my Christianity<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;"><b>“I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.”- Romans 1:16</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;">I have posted this verse before and it still applies. At times I feel like it is hard to admit that I am a Christian, like it is easier to to sit back on the sidelines and not take a side. It feels good to read Paul's words affirming that these kinds of feelings existed for early Christians as well. I read his words and am reminded that God's power works in my life and that God saves us through our belief. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;">My prayer:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;">Dear Lord in Heaven,</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;">I praise your name and thank you for everything I have. Thank you Lord for your creation and thank you for dying for my sins. I am a sinner; I have been guilty of denying you, and hiding my Christianity. Dear Lord, please fill me with your Spirit and help me to openly proclaim my faith. Please help me to witness and share my faith with those I meet and never hide the gifts I have received. Please give me the strength I can't get without you and allow me to shout from the rooftops that I believe.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;">In your holy name,</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 17px;">Amen</span></span>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-53417391451559515532011-08-03T13:09:00.000-07:002011-08-03T13:09:20.574-07:00ReflectionWent to a funeral today for an old friend which gave me some time to reflect. The sermon was about salvation, trusting in the Lord, and God's promises.<br />
<br />
My prayer:<br />
<br />
Father God,<br />
<br />
In times of sadness thank you for the Joy of salvation that you give us. Thank you for your Spirit that makes this life worth living and the promise of eternal life with you.<br />
<br />
AmenBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-12251033787674997072011-08-02T13:49:00.000-07:002011-08-02T13:50:29.651-07:00Overwhelm After the Epic Trip, GTD, & Where God Fits InFor those of you that don't know; I just returned from a fantastic trip across 2 weeks, 8 states, 4 national parks, countless cities, and much more. We clocked 4,125.2 awesome miles and we are home!<br />
<br />
I had an amazing time as my Mom and I traveled by car; camping, and moteling (thank God for the new. Amazing, and reimagined Motel 6) to the Hoover Dam, beautiful St. George Utah, Bryce National Park, Salt Lake City Utah, Pocatello Idaho, Jackson Hole Wyoming, the Grand Tetons National Park, Yellow Stone (amazing, amazing Yellowstone), West Yellowstone Montana, Pendleton Oregon, Portland Oregon (to visit my wonderful friend Heather), Coos Bay Oregon, Redwood National and State Parks, Eureka and Arcata California (the home of Humboldt Fog cheese! (I ate 6oz)), the beautiful Redwoods in Boulder Creek California (the home of my wonderful cousin Theresa and her husband Rich), and the fabulous journey home, down the coast through Big Sur, Pismo Beach, and Solvang (which was beautiful and interesting yet completely closed at that time of night).<br />
<br />
And now I am home.<br />
<br />
Where my life hits me like a freight train of bills (kept up with most on the trip but still need to do a lot of reconciling and planning for future stuff), responsibilities , roles (photographer, writer, student, future pastor, gamer, son, friend, etc), correspondence (with friends new and old), books to read (fun , gaming, and educational), shows to watch (evil, evil DVR), movies to see (Cowboys and Aliens, and Captain America (saw Harry Potter and Friends with Benefits on trip), friends to catch up with, hobbies ( gaming, photography, reading, personal studies, etc), hiking (like I didn't get enough on my trip but I could never get enough), exercise (2 mud runs to train for), blogs to keep up with (like this one and my Weight Watchers Blog), Online Communities (Facebook and the groups on there, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%E2%80%9Dhttp://gtd-vsg.blogspot.com/">GTDVSG</a> (yes I am coming back), school (it only starts in two weeks), events and trips coming up (yes, I am planning on doing more stuff), household chores (the joy of moving back home), keeping up with people met on the trip and sending all the photos I took of people back to them (I collect photos of people taking photos, another hobby), and a slew of projects and ideas I am working on and/or plan on working on.<br />
<br />
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. <br />
<br />
If you became overwhelmed by reading the above paragraph, you can imagine what it is like for me, but fortunately I am not overwhelmed, overloaded or panicking because I have the tool of GTD. To save the time of explaining what that is to people who don't know, read about GTD <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.davidco.com/about-gtd%E2%80%9D">here</a>. <br />
<br />
To sum it up simply, the joy of GTD is that it lets me collect all of my open loops into one place to get them off my mind; I spend some time gathering them into a bin, then spend more time processing through that bin to do, defer, or delete each thing one at a time. I keep my processed outcomes in a system (I use <a href="http://www.rmilk.com/">rmilk</a>) that I trust that will be there to let me do everything at the best time for me to do it. <br />
<br />
Is my life perfect because of GTD? No, not at all, it is just a tool I use to relieve the burden of overwhelm. I do let things build up and overwhelm me at times because I can't be perfectly in control all the time, I need flexibility to breathe within my system. A friend of mine asked me about it while I was on vacation and when I explained it she said, "It is like an obsession then?" A lot of people have brought this up to people who practice GTD and the answer is ultimately no. It may appear as an obsession to some but it is not that, but then what is it?<br />
<br />
It is a discipline and it is a practice. GTD is a collection of methods aimed at helping people remove the junk from their heads to eliminate the stress of productivity and accentuate the product of that activity. David Allen (<a href="http://www.blogger.com/%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.davidco.com/about-us/about-david-allen%E2%80%9D">the creator of GTD</a>, if you skipped the link I posted earlier) coined the phrase that it lets us win at the game of work and the business of life. <br />
<br />
If you read my blog you may be wondering where prayer comes into the equation in all this. For me, nothing starts without God and GTD isn't any different. While overwhelm is starting to build, I am getting ready to collect open loops, I am processing through my inbox, I am planning projects, or I am doing the things on my various lists, God's embrace is right around me and I wouldn't be able to do complete my next actions without him. <br />
<br />
My prayer this morning when the overwhelm became evident:<br />
<br />
Father God, I really want to sink my teeth into this mess of stuff but I don't know where to start. I am completely helpless, unmotivated, overloaded, overwhelmed, and everything seems huge and unmovable. What do I do? <br />
<br />
His answer for me was the immediate realization that I had to empty my brain onto paper and start collecting open loops and then to write and post this article. This post is part of my process. God brought the practice of GTD to me, I don't doubt it and when I need it he reminds me that I have the tools to be the captain and commander of my life<br />
<br />
My prayer now:<br />
<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
<br />
I am a pitiful sinner and am completely unworthy of all the gifts you have given me. Due to the power of your love and your death on the cross I am worthy and able to be your child. Father, I pray to you to thank you for your love, for your creation, and for the ability to have a relationship with you. Thank you for my life, good and bad. As I collect my open loops, process through my lists, plan my projects, and complete next actions; please fill me with your holy spirit and give me the guidance to follow your will and the strength and courage to follow through with it. I love you Lord and I thank you again from the bottom of my heart. <br />
<br />
Amen.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6297025033771555874.post-53232245113355734152011-08-01T07:18:00.000-07:002011-08-02T12:23:53.322-07:00What I am Grateful ForAfter a fantastic vacation through the western states of this amazing country and 4 National Parks I am reminded of my love for God and the ability to be in prayer with him.<br />
<br />
My Prayer:<br />
<br />
Father God,<br />
<br />
Please help me not to forget that I have you in life and am able to pray without ceasing, please help to remind me to embrace gratitude and use it as my motivation to do your will. I love you Lord and am eternally grateful, thank you for your gifts, your beauty, and your word.<br />
<br />
In your name,<br />
<br />
Amen.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997305409626761966noreply@blogger.com1