2013 - Writers Block and Cliches

It feels like a cliche to be writing the, "haven't written in a while" post. I see a lot of blogs that go on long hiatuses and I see this kind of post a lot. The cliche phrases are:

• I haven't written in a while due to ___________ personal problem and I want to get back into it.
• I found myself getting into a rut in my blog and I am starting over with new content
• This blog is going to have a brand new purpose (now that I haven't written in a while and I want to be a blogger again)
• More of the same vein.

All of these reasons and excuses come to one word - Shame. Looking at the blog causes pain due to the feelings of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, and disgrace of not being the person I was when I was posted regularly. I look at past posts of this blog and think "boy there is a lot of good content of content on there. Who wrote that?" and I try to get back into it and I just can't come up with the content that I use to. The fact is, I am not the blogger I used to be, I am a different man now and in order to start writing again, it's time to start thinking about it.

Who was I back when I was writing regularly?
Let's sum it up in a parargraph:
When I was writing regularly I worked in a high pressure corporate job in an IT management position. I used the blog as a tool to express my solutions for struggles in that job; those struggle included stress, anxiety, and depression. The tools I shared were physical (breathing, physical, yoga, etc), mental (meditation, mnemonics, etc), and spiritual (prayer, devotions, Bible Study).  I was a strong Christian (still am) and was on the path to seminary(still am) and used my faith to solve a lot of my problems and used the blog to show those prayers, devotions, and ideas.

Who am I now?
This is a much tougher paragraph to write:
2 years ago I was laid off from my job. in the same month I had two deaths in the family. Since then I have moved in with my parents. I live with my Mom, my step dad, and his brother. I am a volunteer Organized play RPG coordinator, I am a student, I am a nature photographer, and I am the home manager for my parents because my step dad is very ill and I help him and my mom around the house. I have finished my associates degree and am currently working on being able to go to university for my bachelors and then seminary after.

So let's talk about shame. I haven't regularly written in a long time and a lot of that has to do with shame. I wrote on this blog about resistance a lot before and for me, the resistance won and a lot of that had to do with shame. I am embarrassed about living at home, I am embarrassed that school is slow, and I feel a lot of shame that I am not doing "it" right.;"it" is life in this case.

With the new year starting I am through with shame. I spent 2 years defeated by  life and the things that happened to me and I am done with that. I am not going to set a goal of how often I am going to write, I am not going to set a daily routine or set expectations of myself. I do want to think of myself as a writer again. I want to write and I want to build the motivation to start doing it again. Why? Because it makes me feel good. it feels good to express myself on a blog, to share tools and techniques I have learned that helped me, to hope that I am helping others, and most importantly to share God's word.

My Affirmation:
I am a writer, and I write often. I write about resistance, faith, getting things done, photography, creativity, art,shame, ways and plans for managing shame, anger, pain,  and anything else that comes from my heart. Whether it is positive stuff or negative stuff, I write about it.

My Prayer:
Dear Lord,
I confess that I have surrendered to shame. I have surrendered to Satan's resistance from what I need to do and instead I want to surrender to your will. Thank you for the motivation to write this and giving the gift of not having to feel shame, worry, anxiety, or any of the other fruits of sin. Thank you for the spirit to replace that with strength, and the will to follow yours.

In your ever present holy name,

Amen

Can I have faith like Peter?

“But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”- Matthew 16:15-16

Jesus asked Peter who he thought he was and Peter answered him faithfully! "You are the Christ"!

wow!

Can I have faith like Peter? no, not on my own anyway, my sinful self won't let me. It is not as easy as saying I believe. I only believe through the holy spirit who brings the understanding of my Lord and savior Jesus Christ into my heart. Can I have faith like Peter?

Yes, with Christ's help which is always available. Christ loves me and wants to help me and I can pray and feel his loving arms wrap around me. Can I have the kind of faith that when asked who Jesus is to me I can answer "the Christ, the son of God, who came into this world and died for my sins, who loves me so much that he saved me from the sinful self that couldn't possibly embrace his love.

Do I have faith like Peter?

Yes! Because Christ died for my sins, I have the faith that he is my savior!


My Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for coming into this world and saving my life. Thank you for saving me from the sinful self that does not allow me to experience your love. Thank you for life Lord! I love you and I thank you for the ability to love you.

Amen

GTD and my relationship with God.

Here is an excerpt from my Daily Devotion which I noticed helps connect my GTD practice to my relationship with God. It relates how quieting the mind helps us listen to God's messages to us in our lives. (An extra note, I find that I can only truly quiet my mind when I ask God to do it for me)

A Little Quiet All Around
http://www.lcms.org/pages/internal.asp?NavID=1066

The words of the wise heard in quiet are better than the shouting of a ruler among fools.
(Ecclesiastes 9:17 RSV)

It has been noted that occasionally when someone speaks English to a person who does not understand the language, the speaker raises his or her voice. The implication is that shouting may help the listener comprehend the message.

We tend to be addicted to noise. We are impressed by the loud mouth and intimidated by the sharp tongue. Our text, however, reminds us that those who are truly wise speak softly and listen quietly. Foolish thoughts rattling around in our heads can create such a racket that we cannot hear the quiet voice of God.

God regularly speaks to us in the still small voice of His Word and works. There was the quiet of His Son’s unspectacular birth. His resurrection was witnessed by no human eye. His ascension was accomplished without the fiery roar of a liftoff. In it all, God quietly says yes to us: "Yes, I have forgiven your sin. Yes, I know about your unfortunate lapses, and I invite you to repent and live on in forgiveness." All God’s promises find their yes in Christ, our Savior.

Lamb of God, You did not open Your mouth but went quietly to the cross.

^{Author: H. Armin Moellering/Oct. 24, 1980}

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Devotions from A year in the Word © 1999 CPH. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be printed, reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission of Concordia Publishing House.
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Easy Faith

I am greatful for a centered moment, I am greatful for chaos, I am greatful for life and the ability to lead it and I am greatful for the Lord's will in my life. I am greatful that the Lord is clearly evident in my life and I am greatful that I can recognize that. I am truly greatful for easy faith.

What I do produces actions known and unknown

I was just reading Mike Williams Blog and read:

"The dedication to doing your best will produce actions that are known and unknown."

This struck me pretty strongly. I never really thought that my actions cause impact that I will never find out about. This will be a matter of faith I suppose.