Things are going great right now. I am managing my anxiety, I am doing well at work, I got back to school and should be getting my associates this year, I am active at the gym and in a martial arts class, and feel I am working towards being balanced, healthy, and living life on purpose.
Should I be proud of this? It certainly feels like it because I have been working very hard at personal growth. But I am forgetting I have been working hard a long time; when I was stressed, depressed, and anxious I was working hard and trying to get out of it. I was arrogant and believed that I could get out of that place on my own. I was acting as if I was god, acting as if I could fix, change or do anything without him and that is just not the case.
I couldn't give it back to God on my own so that is the first thing I asked for.
God, how do I give it back?
and I don't even believe that question came from me but from him. The answer I got was loud and clear.
You have to want to give it back.
I thought I did but the Lord was right; I didn't want to give it back, I wanted to try to do it on my own. So I asked God.
Please help me to want to give it back. Please help me to want to follow your will not mine.
From here it snowballed and there was a lot of in etween praying but here I am feeling great and I pray every moment to help keep me on track. I don't pretend that the rest of my life will be filled with things that are easy to take and without suffering just because I gave it back. But I know that if I give it up to God it is all good no matter what it is that is coming at me.
Let me end this post with a prayer.
Please help me to lead the kind of life you want me to lead. Please help to give up and live based on your will and help me to never give you up to never forget that I can always turn to you. I love you Lord and honor your holy name.