Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Artist's block at the airport
I was walking around the airport pretty restlessly, hanging out playing with my laptop, reading, talking on the phone (very rewarding conversation with sarah who I already miss terribly btw) but still kept feeling really restless and not really knowing why.
And then I realized it, I have the means of creation with me, my notebook, my laptop, my blackberry, my camera, even my juggling balls and all their potential was sitting unused in my bags brimming with the potential energy that could be released through art; whether that be photos, writing, a braindump, planning a project, blogging (hahahaha, the blog won), or even juggling (very very cool way to be creative especially when there are people around because it helps me get over my inhibitions)
I had the framework to make meaning and I wasn't using it and my brain was going crazy!! It was almost like having an unspoken committment using up tons of psychic energy. In this case it was solved with a quick braindump into my notebook followed by this blog entry.
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Lost task - Natural planning model
This morning I opened my !daily context in rmilk and discovered that my daily reminder task was empty. I took it as an opportunity to walk through the natural planning model and re-purpose the task. Please take a look inside my brain and review the process I went through.
It is Tuesday June 23rd; year of our Lord 2009 and my reminder task is blank! Most likely an accident caused by milksync, outlook and deleting things on my Blackberry but I have to say, as we all know there are no accidents and I have to accept this as such; not an accident. So let's think... What do us or in this case I do when a task is wiped clean. Renegotiate the task using the natural planning model.
The natural planning model is 5 steps.
1. Purpose and principles (why and under what rules)
2. Desired outcome (best possible "what" that exists because of the actions included in the project)
3. Brainstorming (long list of ideas, this is a mindsweep but also revolves around steps 1 and 2. What are all the ways to get to 2 using 1?
4. Organizing (taking the what is useful from 3. and organizing it into a timeline, project plan, list, etc. Creating a form for the project).
5. Next actions (listing the next actions and organizing them by context)
After typing up the 5 steps of the natural planning model I begin to think that there should be a step before step 1. I am going to call that step 0 - Current reality.
0. Current Reality - what is true? What is my existing truth that I plan to build upon with this project/goal/vision etc.
So, first off I am going to get started.
0. Current reality - What is true?
What is true that is relevant at this time?
I am 30 years old; slightly overweight on the brink of major change (I know this through a feeling. I have an active prayer life and in the past have suffered from anxiety which results in some controlling tendencies. I am in a great relationship, have an awesome job and am constantly working on improving and getting better. When I am not fighting I am training is one of my favorite sayings. I am also about to go on a one week vacation.
So truth -
Past - anxiety and controlling tendencies
Current - 30, slightly overweight, on the brink of change)
Future - vacation
1. Purpose - reminders helping me to manage my anxiety. Principles - flexible, never rigid, reviewing doesn't take longer than 2 minutes.
2. Outcome - My anxiety is managed, I love my self and act with love to those around me
Remember to be prayerful
Remember to be confident
Remember you can be your own manager
Remember you are great!
Remember to pray, pray now
Remember your baptism
Remember that it is all good because it is from God's will
Remember to breath.
Remember that others are children of God
Remember that God's grace is enough so there is no need to be anxious
Remember to affirm your day
In remember the milk
Can I skip?
Every other day?
Should the reminders be related to all aspects of me?
They should focus on being present. If I am present I am not anxious.
Place a daily reminder in rmilk (which will sync to bb and outlook at home)
Add reminders which enforce being present, being loving, being prayerful, and having a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Take a moment to reflect during each session and adding to and removing from the list as needed. This moment will be a time to be present across all moments.
5. Next actions - open rmilk and add recurring note called daily reminder in the !daily context.
Now I have a task I can review daily which will give me a time to reflect and be present. It is a time for affirmation, and renewal.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
My key to humility
Let go to God.
Don't worry; not about consequences of action, about problems or anything; trust in God and if you find yourself worrying anyway, pray for help to trust, for help to even to want to trust, pray for help to have the strength to want to ask for help, pray for the ability to mean it.
I praise you before all and I confess to you that I am sinful. I try to run my own life, solve my own problems. I try to prove to you that I can do it without you and of course I can't. Please fill me with you through your holy spirit. Help me to see your will and when I see it give me the courage to do it because without you I am nothing Lord. Please fill me up and help me to not only see your will for my life but to want it with every fiber of my being.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Grateful for being tired
I am grateful I am tired because I know it will be easier to fall asleep tonight. I fight being tired quite a bit like there is something wrong with it but I would like to learn to be friends with tired. I am grateful that I have the option to slow down; I am trying to go full speed even though I am tired and I don't really need to do that. I am grateful that I can relax and let my momentum take more forward. I am grateful that I am tired, for it is a reminder to relax, lean forward and let the work happen. It is a reminder to stay centered and I am grateful for that.
Monday, June 15, 2009
How do you let it go?
"just let it go".
But how do you do that if you feel like you can't? What if it feels like something is wrong with you and you hold onto things even though your greatest desire is to just get rid of them. Don't worry, you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you, I have the same problem myself quite a bit.
How do I deal with it?
Sometimes I don't, sometimes it really stresses me out and I can't let it go but a lot of times this is because I haven't really identified how I am let alone why. I find that I can't find the why until I have found the how and even if I know why I am so stressed, if I haven't identified how it doesn't go away.
Some tricks that work for me:
* Write it down - Identify how you feel on paper. This isn't why you are stressed, this is how the stress feels. Is your chest tight? is it hard to breath? are you breathing too fast? How does it feel?
* Talk about it with someone you trust. Being open about how you feel is a great way to relieve the feeling. Very often once it is identified the problem goes away.
*Take a walk - This one is really easy but sometime the hardest thing. I will think I am stressed about tons of different things but the real problem is I haven't given myself any adequate reflection time. Take some time for yourself and your problems may just unravel themselves.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Some tools from my Daily routine
I want to fill my life with the Lord’s word and stay in it but I find it very hard to keep a Bible on me and when I do I find myself going numb to having it and not making the time to read it. My solution, I added a daily task in outlook to read a daily devotion http://www.lhm.org/dailydevotions.asp and to read a daily bible verse at http://www.biblegateway.com
This has helped me stay active in the word and helps me to make it a part of my life.
This is simply a task with a list of things to be cognizant about all the time. The items are simple:
- Remember to smile
- Remember to affirm your day (you have an affirmation note category)
- Remember, God's grace is enough and you don't have to worry about this world, just love the people in it.
- Remember, you can always go somewhere else to work for a while if you can't concentrate.
I also have items specific to work, twitter, etc. I read this daily so I try to keep it down to about 4 or 5 items and I update it every day adding new reminders and removing things that have already become habits. This list becomes useful to keep me centered and give me inspiration for Twitter and the Blog.
Every day I write 5 things I am grateful for. This was a practice suggested by my good friend (and big Sis in Christ) Tara Rodden Robinson. This helps me to stay positive, focus on God’s will for me, and it has helped me to remember that even things that have seemed unpleasant in the past have always resulted in good for me.
Every day I write a few words in a note in Outlook affirming what wild success for the day would look like. I close my eyes and imagine myself at the end of the day and I write about how wonderful it is to have experienced what ever joyful thing I envision at the time. I don’t believe for a second that positive thoughts like this make anything happen but I do believe that it keeps me focused, outcome based, and helps me to think in terms of present action towards future goals.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Pray without ceasing
Dear Savior, because of Your sacrifice I am saved. Now may I, no matter what the world throws at me, be able to rejoice evermore. In Your Name, I ask it. Amen.
Sometimes when I read these prayers the Spirit leads me to continue in my own words:
I am sinful and faulted and do not always praise you, I do not always pray, give thanks in all circumstances, I more often then not, act in a way that is not pleasing to you. I praise you Lord and thank you for my life, I thank you for humbling yourself and dying on the cross so that I may be free from sin and live with you forever. I thank you for my time in this world and thank you for the gifts you have given me and the gifts you will give me.
Dear Lord, I pray to you to help me, help me follow your will not mine, help me to live in prayer because I know I cannot do it without you Lord. I love you Lord and thank you once again for what I have and what I will have.
In Jesus's holy name I pray.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Can't do it without God
I am writing this as a way to trigger my brain to be active about it, I am praying for the holy spirit to fill my body, mind, and spirit and to stand with me to fight the fights, live the Christian life, and love the people, I love you Lord and I praise you and thank you for everything I have, will have, and will do, I thank you for saving me and loving me no matter what and I thank you for this spirit I currently have reminding me to stick with you and making that possible. I am yours Lord please work in me to be the man you want, to be the man you see me being. I am a sinner and cannot do this on my own, I fool myself into believing I can and I can't and I stress about it when really I should be joyful in the fact, the fact! That you have saved me and I am good to go! Good to go with God! Lord, thank you for my life and helping me to follow your will not mine.